Have I told you a story of a man?
Who sacrificed his life and his dream
Returning from Indonesia and leave his love for social politics
For the only woman he ever loved
And for an assistance his friend seeks
to work in a new place
"You will be happy there" he said.

So he married the girl that he fought so hard to get
and work in the place that has given him hope
but still his heart would reminisce
the seasons in Jakarta
Wishing that one day he will continue

But his wishes stand still at the sight of the first newborn
and the second, third and fourth
so he toil from morning till the morrow's break of dawn
to shelter his love from the storm
the promises his friend made were broken
when they heard his support for the opposition
So they put him down in the lowest place
Crushing his talents and all his hopes 

But like a good friend he remained loyal and true
like a good father he loved and care
although never to show his sadness and his woe
he stopped living for what he dream
of what he hoped will come true

And everyday he prayed so that one of his own
would continue what he didn't go through
and he sees them in his daughter
and the dusty hopes fly high again
Though she thought to live a life of her own
to do what heart wanted to
but everytime she stares into the old man's eyes 
She just doesn't know what to do 

This is a true story
But they will never know...

14: Seeking Forgiveness

"I hope to do this again another time." he told her, holding her right hand.
Emma patted his hand and smiled.
"Of course. I had a great time." she answered the positive.
Edmund Lee was blessed with utmost happiness. He opened the door for her and walk her down the road up to her building.

"I'll see you then." she said.
"I'll call you." he said.

And they parted ways, not before she gave a glance, waiting until his car lost in the traffic before returning to work. The clock strikes two fifteen. She was late fifteen minutes. But she didn't care. This is only the first time she was ever late.

"You're late." he said, as she sat down and start to refresh her computer. Her eyes shot upwards towards him, as he lean on the wall in front of her with his arms folded.
"I'm sorry." she replied earnestly. It WAS her fault. She should not be late. 
"That's all?" he sounded hurt.
Her forehead creased.
"I won't do it again." she said finally, and continued doing what she do best when she doesn't want to discuss anything anymore. She reaches for the phone and dialed randomly.

"Emma, I do not tolerate such insensitive reaction in this office. You of all people should know that..."
"Work comes first. I am all aware of that. You have been using those words since the day I met you." she interrupts him, the phone still firm in her grip. He was stopped abruptly and it shocked him at how those words came out of her.

"Emma, may I see you in the office?" his voice is stern now and without waiting for her repliance, quickily leave into his office.
She sighs and puts down the phone, not caring the concern sound of her old landlady's voice at the end of the line. In her random attempt to not face him, she has dialled the old landlady's number.

She knocked, heard his voice and opens the door.

"Sit down." he motions toward the sofa near the door. She knew him long enough to know that it's not business he wanted to talk about when it comes to the sofa. There is where he first proposed his business-personal proposition to her, when he first asked her to marry him... unromantically.

She sat down grudgingly, knowing that she HAD to relent to his commands. It's unfair as he no longer have the authority as a husband, he still has the authority of an employer over her.

He kept his cool under check. Known her long enough he knew that Emma was not to be played at. He knew she hated his guts ever since they anulled their marriage although in the surface she was all understanding and serene. He knew she would never forgive him for not even stopping to look at her and appreciate her. He knew that she was bound to not fall into pieces, to show him that she doesn't need him.

But he knows she can never forget him that easily. That's the only thing that made him sleep well at night, knowing that deep inside she is just a woman torned by love. Pain, no matter how deep can be healed. And he knows her well enough to know that she is all for forgiveness.

He sat down in front of her, stares at her as she tried not to look at him. Enjoying those mesmerizing eyes. Oh yes, he would never lie. Those eyes are what made Emma interesting. She may not have the perfect features like his Adalea. His Adalea is a beauty from the heaven. The definition of perfection. But even his Adalea does not have Emma's endearing eyes. It pierced into his soul and on those nights after their annulment he kept thinking about it, recollecting the look of sadness in those eyes as she smiled and watch him went into Adalea's arms.

"Emma, I'm so sorry..."

To be continued...      

Chapter 13: A Lunch with the Doctor (Part ii)

Whatever it is that attracted Edmund Lee towards Emma, it was strengthen by that moment in the restaurant.

He didn't know what it is inside her mind and what had made her suddenly turned into her original cheery self. But as he listened to her and talked with her, he realized that she is such a beautiful person when she wanted to be. She smiled, her face glowed and her eyes were bright. She was particularly playful and interesting.

"... and then I thought she would scream at me so I jerk the phone from my ear. But instead she was actually telling me the most important info that I should have listened intently. So you would guess what happened..."

There, the eyes. The enthusiasm in her eyes. How it brightens with every words she uttered.

He must be crazy to let her go.

"... and then I got up and went to the human resource department and apologize. She was throwing me this dagger look I thought it might pierce my heart!" and Emma laughs.

Edmund Lee laugh with her.

He is ever the shy guy. Ever since he was little, he was a quiet boy. Often he was told how a good boy he was. The old people would pat him on his head, and the ladies would rub his cheek and praise a mountain for him. 

After he turned eighteen, his dad, also called Dr Lee, gave him an old beat up car for his birthday present. He accepted it wholeheartedly, although he always had his eyes on the black Corvette. He agreed to enter the Ivy League although his heart was focused on staying at the local university. He practiced medicine because his father wanted his only son to be like him.

When his father was no longer able to continue to be Adam's physician, he took over. It would be easier that way. He knew Adam family's health history and he had always been there assisting his father when HE was the family's physician. He knew everybody there, from the eldest son Adam to the little niece Rose. He was there for every single thing that happened inside the family.

Even during Adam's marriage to Emma.

He saw her on her wedding day. She stopped to talk to him, shaking his hand and introduced herself. She was timid at first, only telling him that she is the new addition to the family and hoped that they could work together. She was concerned over DiAnn's health and hoped that the old woman would be alright. He told her not to worry about it and to enjoy her special day. She blushed, and nodded but her smile faded.

It was only a mere sight but he saw the fading smile. He also saw Adam far away at the dessert table, chatting seriously into his phone. Emma came to him and brought him his drinks. He said thank you, she said you're welcome and then they parted. Edmund Lee saw this all throughout the evening.

And he saw the dance. He saw how she looked at him and how he failed to fathom her gaze. Both of them were looking at each other but both minds were different. She was trying to capture his attention, savouring the night in the arms of a man that she married while he was dancing according to music, waiting for every notes and every melody until it ended.   

Edmund Lee was curious. But he would never ask why.

Little by little he became connected to her. She, the wife of his client who he treats like a boss, was slowly became a face inside his dream. She intrigues him, heart and soul. He watched her changes, from the bright-eyed bride into a worn-down woman longing to be noticed. He wanted to reach out for her, to pull her from falling deeper into sadness.

But he is a good boy. He would never try to come between Emma and Adam.

He wasn't surprised when he heard about the annulment. It would happen sooner or later. He didn't pray for it to happen but he knew it would.

The only thing that surprises him is the fact that Adam came to see him the day after. He shaked his hand in an agreement. He asked why, and he told him that it was the only thing he could do for Emma.

He agreed. But not because of Adam.

"... feels, right?"
"Huh?" he looked at her puzzlingly.
"I said, if you didn't try you would not know how it feels, right?" she repeated. He looked at the fork she was holding.
"Oh, yeah. True." he said and takes the fork from her hand. He tasted the cheese cake as she asked.

"Feels good?" she asked.
"Feels good." he said, savouring the heavenly taste of the piece.

"I told you." she smiled, swallowing a spoonful of the same dessert.

He agreed because she deserves to be loved.

To be continued...        

Chapter 12: A Lunch with the Doctor (Part I)

"I'm having lunch with Dr Edmund Lee. Is he here yet?" Emma enquired.

The maitre 'd smiled and answered the positive. She then ushered Emma to the table far left adjacent the glass screen where a picturesque view of the city was to be seen. Dr Lee is there, busy texting on his blackberry. He looked smarter than usual. His dark tousled hair was sleeked back in style, and he exchanged his spectacles with a pair of contacts.

He was dressed to impress.

He didn't realize her being there until she was right in front of him.

"Oh... hi... Emma, umm..." he stammered, and quickily stood up, pulling a chair for her. She thanked him and took her seat.

"You look..." he looked at her, not knowing what to say. "Breathtaking." he finally said. Emma thanked him again, appreciating his praise.

"Have you waited long?" she asked.
"No, not at all. I just arrived myself. Just a few minutes before you did."
"I see."

They went quiet as a waiter came and placed an order card in front of Emma. She enquired if Dr Lee has ordered and he said he did. So she went on ordering a plate of goulash with gnocci and a glass of water. The waiter leave and they're alone again.

"So how are you?" he started.
"Fine. Fine. As cheerful as the butterfly." Emma answered enthusiastically. Dr Lee suddenly smiled.

"Why are you smiling? Is it funny to be fine?" Emma asked.

"No. Not that. It's just... I'm amused at your ordering a plate of goulash. Usually women will order salad and then pick on my food." Dr Lee said.
Emma sniggered.
"Well, that's a stupid female tradition. I in the other hand, eat what I want and when I want it."
"That's good. I don't like food-picker myself." he joked.

Five minutes later and the food arrives. They went quiet again, enjoying what was in front of their eyes. 

"So how's today at work? If i may ask..." Dr Lee glance at Emma. She smiled.
"It's okay. There was a stack of documents needed to be sorted and some calls needed to be answered, but I coped." 
Dr Lee nodded as if agreeing to nothing.
"So, how about you? Any new establishments in the evolution of gastric and its subjugation?" Emma joked.

Dr Lee gave a hearty chuckle.

"Few patients and nothing else. I'm a boring doctor. Not everyday is a McDreamy day. No Ellen Pompeo to cheer me up."
"You watch Grey's Anatomy? How gay is that?" Emma laughed.
"At least I admit it." Dr Lee fights back.
"That you're gay?"
"Okay I admit defeat. You ARE a cruel goulash-eating person." he sighed, looking at Emma, grinning at her. Emma smiled coyly. She didn't understand why but she felt playful today.

Time went by. But not so slowly...

To be Continued...

Chapter 11: The Chatterbox Felt Victorious

"Sign here." Emma points her finger towards an empty space above his name.
He followed through.
Then another empty space, and another and another.

Then she shuffles the papers and put it back inside the file.

"That's all?" he asked.
"Yes." she answered, and turned around, heading towards the door.

"Emma," he called.
She glanced back.

He didn't say a thing but just looks at her in silence.

"May I?" she motioned towards the door. 
"You look different." he said finally. She forced a smile.
"Thank you. I had a tan." she tried to sound casual.
"No, it's not that. I mean, where's your usual chatter?" he enquired.
She cleared her throat.

"I don't think it's always necessary to be chatty all the time."

"Ah, I see." he nodded, eyes still on her.
"Excuse me." she flashed a smile and went out, realizing that his eyes followed her all throughout.

As soon as she closes his door, Emma sighed. She went back to her desk and placed the documents he just signed upon the shelf. A call came in and she answered, smiling whilst speak. She learnt that from a friend. If you smile when you speak, you would sound cheerful even if you are in the darkest disposition. The call ended and she continued with her work.

Where's your usual chatter?

She stops.

She was a chattery person back when they were no more than just workmates. She would come into his room, ask him to sign something and would be talking all the while. She would comment on his new cologne, or how his new shirt matches his eyes. She would advise him on the best place to shop, and would ask him if he would do lunch outside or would want her to buy him something instead. She would inquire about his health, or his mother's. She would change the flowers in the vase and asked him if he wants anything else.

He would enjoy each and every words, laughing or smiling and responding. Her chatters amused him.

"Would you like a coffee or tea."
"Coffee please."
"White or black?"
"White."
"Why not black?"
"Because I love white."
"I thought all men love black coffee. White ones look so gay."
"Haha. How come?"
"Because my mom loves white and dad prefers black. He always said white coffee is for girls."
"Because it is less strong?"
"Because it's too soft."
"Your father must be a very rational man."
"Haha. Indeed he is. He also thinks football is for a sissy."
"Why so?"
"Because you wear too many guards while playing them. Look at rugby. It looks the same, but rugby is a man's game. Rough and roughing it."
"I don't know. I never liked both. I'm a soccer man."
"Well I would not know about that. Me and balls don't go together."
"Balls?" he laughed.
"You know what I mean, you white-coffee drinker!"
"Don't make it sound so bad!"
She would smile naughtily and leave his room while he laughed. 

It has always been like that.

But things changed. HE wanted it to change so why should she still be the same?
The clock strikes one.

The door to his room opens and Emma glance up. Adam looks at her and grinned sheepishly.

"I'm hungry. Wanna grab a bite?" he jangles his keys.
Emma shook her head, returning his grin with a smile.

"No thank you. I have a lunchdate." she said.
"A lunchdate? Oh yes, you're meeting Dr. Lee. I thought it was just a casual lunch?"
"It is."
"Then why call it a lunchdate?"
"We've planned it since last week."
"Last week?" his forehead creased.
"Yes." she fetched her purse. "I've been looking forward to it all week."  
"Good for you then." he said.
"Thank you. Will you be okay?" she asked.
"Oh yeah, yeah. Good luck on your lunch date."
"Oh sir. You made it sound as if it's a test." she said jokingly and walk pass him, smile plastered on her face.

The smile turned mischievous. She sure didn't win anything, but she felt victorious.

To be continued...

He didn't care...

I lost my brain one day
And I don't know where to find
Below the stacks of paper, under the rug
Not even in the cat's behind
I think it went lost the day I decided
to grow up and be firm
it was mad at me for thinking that
and not consulting him

he will come back when I'm miserable
loyal and trusting and true
he will run away when I am stable
looking for a new head to muse

If I lost my brain, I will have my senses
But with senses I am just normal...

I lost my brain one day and I can't rhyme
What the f- is this poem?

Chapter 9: Mending a Jilted Heart

She packs her bag.

Fold her clothes. Put it in the bag.

Pack her toiletries and put it in her bag.

She was very focused. Her eyes did not falter. Her mind was determined in packing it all.

"Emma," I called.

She didn't look up, not even for a second. Did not stop packing. Pack, pack, pack. Packing is everything.

"Emma," this time I raised my voice.

Packing is everything. Everything.

"Emma!" cried I.

"What?" she halts. Looking up at me, she looks quite furious.

"Relax, okay? It's not we're trying to catch the plane now. We have another 10 hours before check out."

She breathes in, and slumped on her bed.

"I just don't want to be late." she said.

"Why? So you won't be late to work on Monday?" I asked her, half cynically.

She didn't answer me, but kept packing her small stuff with only one hand and doing it slowly, as if her packing in front of me is a big sin. I know what she's thinking inside her head. It's exasperating to be here now, while knowing 20hours from now she would be back in her office, back to him.

Back to him but not belonged to him.

And here I thought a week at the beach has changed her. It did. She is more radiant, energized, and regain her confidence. But as soon as Adam was in her head, she would be anxious again. She would lose her composure, she would go back to mourning.

"It's not that," she finally said. "It's..."

"It's what? What is it?"

She lies on her back, thinking.

"Seeing him with her. I don't know if I can manage that." 

I looked at her again.

"That's why you packed so early? Because you don't want to see them? That's quite a predicament isn't it, considering that as soon as you packed you'll be going BACK to them?"

"I know. But, I have to do something to stop thinking about it. I kept picturing Adalea and Adam together.I kept picturing that as soon as I entered the office I would see her in his arm."

"In an office? Wow, you can only be too desperate to show such display of affection..." I joked. She can't help but smile

"Stop it now. You know what I mean."

I watched her as she continue packing, slow but steady. I tried to read her mind but find no definite answer.

"Look, Emma. It's not like you're returning without anything." I started. Again she looks up at me, her quizzical brow wanting an explanation.

"I mean, you have a lunch date with Dr Lee, right?"

It seems that she has forgotten all about that while thinking about seeing Adam and Adalea. But now upon mentioning Dr Lee, she finally glowed. Yes, it's not going back with nothing. It's not returning home with a jilted heart still unmend. Yes, it is still healing, but at least returning home knowing she has something to look forward to makes the pain bearable.

As much as she kept saying that they would be just friends, deep down inside she's happy that he would balance it out.

Dr Lee I mean...

To Be Continued...      

Chapter 8: His Real Plan

"I am returning tomorrow." he said.

She looked at him.
"So soon?" her voice faltered. He smiled.

Dr Lee was first too wrapped up in his work as he entered. But as soon as he saw Emma in the restaurant, he put his blackberry back inside his pocket, take a deep breath and went to her. He always thought her a lovely person with sunny disposition. For all those time she was in the hospital, he watched her everyday, coming and going by herself, taking care of DiAnn wholeheartedly. And he watched her change. The first time they were introduced, she was this warm and vivacious person with a beautiful smile and the most lively eyes. But more and more as he sees her, she was turning into the girl he is seeing now, forlorn and unhappy. Even her eyes are not as lively as they used to be.  

He wanted so much to see it sparkle again.

"The convention is over and I still have a lot of things to do back home. I can't stay just for the sake of staying."

Emma nodded.
"You will be missed." she said.

Dr Lee gave a hearty chuckle.

"But I need to talk to you though. Privately." he said, glancing at me. I looked up at him, with the straw still in my mouth. Then I looked at her, and him again.

"Pleasure." says I, and quickily left them alone.

Dr Lee asked if he could sit down next to Emma. She was obliged to agree.

"What is it you want to tell me?" she asked.
He smiled again, showing the adorable dimples on his cheek. Then he looked at her.

"I know this would sound abrupt, and I should not... must not... I mean, you were my... and you just..." and he took a deep breath, and moved his body forward to face her. She tried to encouraged him to talk, and so hold his hand and smiled back.

"Emma. When you return to the city... would you..." he cleared his throat.
"Would you like to go out sometimes?"

Her smile faded.
"Go out?"

Dr Lee cleared his throat again.
"I mean, as friends. You know, have lunch together, or go see a movie or something." he said, anxiously.
"Oh..."
"Well, if that's okay with you. But if not, I understand. I mean..."
"No, I would love to. As friends, right?" the smile were back on her face.
"Yeah... yeah, as friends." he said.
"Of course, doctor... I mean, of course, Lee. In fact, let's plan this now. How about lunch on Monday?" she was ecstatic.
Dr Lee nodded.
"Lunch sounds good." he said.
"Lunch IS good." Emma joked. Both of them laughed. And Dr Lee sighed.

"Why are you sighing?" Emma looked at him earnestly. He smiled again.
"I was so afraid that you would say no." he said. "I never did this before." 

Emma took a sip from her juice.
"Never asked a friend to lunch before?" she questioned him.
He raised his eyebrows as an answer and Emma chuckled.

"So, I'll see you on Monday?" he asked. She nodded, and suddenly the smile faltered. 

I'll see you on Monday... that's also what HE said before he went into Adalea's arm. She has forgotten about him today, and that was a great achievement. But now Dr Lee reminded her of him again.

"Emma?" he touches her fingers. 
She came back to her senses. "Huh?"
"Are you alright?" he asked her, looking very worried.
"Oh ya. I'm okay. Just a little bit spaced out. But I'll see you on Monday, okay?" she tried to sound fine. But he knew there was something inside her head. Not wanting to sadden her, he asked to take leave.

As a friend... she said. He glanced back at her.
He would be satisfied with that for now...     

Chapter 7: To Heal A Brokenheart

What I liked about Dr Lee?

Well, let me count the ways...

He is funny when he's nervous, although barely when he's not...
He is smart, which you must be if you are a doctor...
He is tall, and I know how much that helps when you need something that you can't reach...
He is very respectful of women, which I realized through observing how he talks to Emma and fetch her drinks and look at her intensely when she talks...

If not for the fact that I would like to see Emma happy and gain her confidence back, I would have grab this chance and go after Dr Lee myself. Momma's gonna love a doc for a son.

But it's true. No matter how much Emma denied, that they have chemistry.

"He used to be my personal doctor. It would be weird." she said, sipping her melon juice.

"Why? The fact that he already saw some of your bodyparts when you had a terrible flu last time and he had to check?"
"Oh my God... that too!" Emma quickily cover her face as if that would help make it go away.

We were in the hotel restaurant, having our lunch when this conversation occured. It was just yesterday when we came to the after-party of the Gastro-whatever convention Dr Lee mentioned as his guests. It was a fun thing to do although here and there people kept telling others that a party consisting intelligent people are not a party but a boring conversation dressing itself as a party. It's not true.

I can declare my oath on that.

I urged Emma to wear her green sunny dress, the one that compliments her eyes. She understood that gesture as me wanting her to shine and so she declined and chose to wear her white blouse and nice pair of jeans. Thus while she was in her bathroom I 'accidentally' spilled my PEPSi on it. She was mad, but she finally choose the green sunny dress.

A point for clever moi!

He was happy to see us, her more than me. He introduced Emma to all of his colleagues as his 'dearest' acquaintance. They were very interested in her as a person. They all heard about her from Dr Lee, about how she kept herself beside her mother-in-law 24/7 until the old woman's end. It was a noble thing to do, a very respectful deed by a daughter-in-law.

She was quite embarrased (in a good way) for all this praises. But she was thankful that Dr Lee didn't say more. He smiled at her.

"You should know, mam... that there are people who actually cares and think you a good woman. You are worthy of all the respects they gave you."

And from that I knew she was touched. That was what she needs. Not a week vacation in a luxurious hotel, but a real feeling of gratitude, which comes from care and said with love, respect and truthfulness. If Adam was ever honest in all his words to her, she would not be as wretched. She would know he is forever indebted to her and have his full respect for her. But all she got was a thank you that was said in a manner that signifies how happy he was that this was over.

So here in the restaurant, I tried my best to make her see that. 

"It's awkward. He knows who I am."
"But yet he praises you so. He thinks you the most noblest woman he has ever seen."

Emma smiled. She remembered it. She was so touched by his nice words about her that she was almost in tears. But that's not enough. Her love for Adam was concrete, a feeling so deep that every time she thinks of him she felt that tingling sensation in her stomach, as if she was slain by a very sharp needle. It's difficult to heal.

They say that time would heal such pain.
But I believe healing pain is what doctors do best...

And as that thought ran inside my head, I saw him walking into the restaurant, his eyes still on the thing he's holding, whatever that is.

Yes, healing pain. Dr Lee always comes at the right time...

To Be Continued....