Chapter 15: Rebirth

"For what?" asked Emma.

Adam did not answer immediately. As if the floor is patterned with inspiration, he kept his head low, eyes deep set on the dark brown tiles.

Emma let out a lazy sigh. She didn't know why she stammered just now, but she did. It's not something that someone could take back. But after the good time she had with Edmund -yes, she called him Edmund- she felt more annoyed at seeing Adam. It's anger, and she doesn't understand why. She doesn't hate him, but she's angry at him at all sudden.

He could have given her the same affection she received from Edmund but he chose not to. He chose not to love her, and realizing it made Emma furious. It's like a new revelation pouring inside her soul.

"Look. If you're not telling me why you're sorry then I guess I should go now. There are lots of things you asked me to do before lunch." she said, whilst getting up.

But he grabs her hand, forcing her to sit down. Emma did what she was told amidst the annoyance she felt.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you." he finally said. Emma turns her head towards him.
"What?"
"I'm sorry I yelled at you just now. I didn't mean to." he explains.

"Oh." Emma smiled curtly.

"Emma, you have all the right in the world to do as you please here. You're not just one of my staff. You're a part of me. You made me who I am today in this business. I would not be where I am today if you were not my secretary. I'm sorry I howl at you. It's not intentional. I was just distressed. I'm sorry."

It figures. Typical Adam's way. Typical men's way. Apologizing for the little sins hoping that the acceptance would include the old pains, and all's forgiven. Taking assurance that by her telling him that it's fine, that she forgives him, would make him sleep better at night, although the things he apologized for did not change anything. It would not change the fact that he made her feel useless, made her feel ugly, made her feel unwanted.

But still, Emma realized, that it's not just Adam's fault. She agreed to each and every thing he wanted. It's not his fault that he doesn't love her. She can't force him to love her, to sacrifice as much as she did for him. She knew for certain where his heart lies in the first place, and yet she chose to be with him. She chose to bear the pain of witnessing her love not being returned.

And that's how she accepted his apology. That's how she managed to put aside her annoyance and smiled to him, telling him it's okay. That's how she managed to fall in love again.

It is stupid when you think about it. But love IS -as people said it was- blind. Her affections and candour to him is not a thing moulded in only one night. It had found its base long ago. And nobody will understand how difficult it would be to fall out of love when it was planted, weeded and grown for years.

"Thank you." he told her, pulling her hands toward his lips and kissed it repeatedly. He wasn't behaving like her employer. Indeed he was acting like a man in hope, just like the day he asked for her help. How can she hate him?

But she knew it too well. She knew Adam too well to know that his sincerety are often questionable. Thus amidst the rebirth of her affection, she pulled her hands from his grasp, told him that she still needed to continue her work, and walk to the door.

"Emma," he calls her sweetly.
"Yes?"
"I don't know what I would do without you." he smiled sincerely.
"You'll do fine." she said, and left his room.

The love in her heart is still there, but the poundings are getting slower...   

To be continued...